Life is not meant to be easy…no matter how much we try, we can not escape birth, old age, disease or death. These are the four truths of misery in life.
Upon choosing a life in Krishna consciousness, I had this idea that I had reached far in spiritual understanding, after practicing different kind of meditations and yoga for a few years. Then after giving up the idea that I was the main controller of my life and that God merely energy, I started realizing how little I actually knew.
I knew nothing of God and that He was a person, little did I not know that He is maintaining the whole universe and that He loves us unconditionally. Neither did I know that my original home is in the spiritual world in an eternal relationship with Supreme Personality of Godhead. My original constitution is sac chit ananda, eternal, full of knowledge and bliss. If we add Vigraha, then we get the constitution of Bhagavan, Krishna. Vigraha means form, so he is the eternal form of knowledge and bliss.
Through association from devotees I got to know the Supreme Personality of Godhead’s name. Krishna. Kriiiishnaaa… oh it has a sweet taste in my mouth. Think that God and His name are the same, so by saying His name I am having direct association with Him. That is very mysterious.
At the time being I am in Vrndavan, the Holy spiritual land of Krishna’s nitya (eternal) lilas (past times). 1,5 months has passed, and we are in the middle of our Bhakti shastri studies. The studies of Sri Isopanisad, Bhagavad Gita, Nectar of Instruction and Nectar of Devotion.
To study Vedic philosophy is not just to read and understand, this knowledge goes deep, deep under the skin, deep into the mind, heart and soul.
It purifies the heart and its desires, putting Krishna in the center.
Life here is more tapasya (sacrifice) here than what I am used to at home in Norway. Yes, we have same sadhana, with chanting and puja and we study philosophy, but the external circumstances are more austere, the changing weather, the different food, sitting on the floor for 5-6 hour every day….But what is most challenging for me is to contemplate and digest all the new information that is presented before me.
Srila Prabhupada uses the analogy of fever. That we need to keep the temperature on 37, not on 40, and not on 35. Meaning if the fever is on 35 degrees there is too much austerities with to much knowledge, and if its 40 it is to much sense gratification. So there has to be balance between Sadhana and religious sense gratification. When senses are engaged in devotional service it becomes religious sense gratification. But still when its religious, we need to keep it balanced.
This is what I find difficult in Vrndavan. There is to little fever. All around we have many austerities…. To little sense gratification. There is not even time to think of sense gratification…!
But here I am, in Vrndavan, the Holiest of the Holy places, and there is nothing else to do than surrender to the process and purification.
I am now meditating upon that with out Radharani’s mercy I would never be here, only with her approval one can enter Vrndavan. So I do feel very fortunate to be here, even if its tough for the mind and the senses.
|Radha Damodara temple|
I hope to acquire the knowledge and understanding that is needed for further preaching in Norway. Only with the blessing of Guru and Gauranga.